When you just found out your partner has been cheating on you or you have caught them red-handed, the next thing you would have on your mind would be thinking about how to confront them about cheating on you. However, where the confrontation isn’t properly done, it could cause more damage and completely ruin the relationship. In this article, we would discuss how to confront a cheating partner and everything else you need to know about confrontation.
How Do Cheaters React When Confronted?
1. They Deny The Entire Fact Of Cheating:
When confronted about cheating, a cheater may deny the entire, especially when you don’t have a piece of concrete evidence to back up your facts.
2. They Lie About How It Happened And What It Meant To Them:
A cheater when confronted about cheating may lie about how it happened, lie that it was merely romance and nothing, or lie it didn’t mean so much to them because it’s merely sex.
3. They Gaslight You:
They may manipulate you psychologically such that they question your memory, perception, and sanity, thereby evoking in them cognitive dissonance and low self-esteem. Consequently, you may start feeling bad and let the fact that they cheated be swept under the carpet.
4. They Blame The Other Person:
When you confront someone who cheated on you, they may blame the other person saying that they were seduced for it was not of their will and they were thrown into a helpless condition.
5. They Try To Avoid The Topic:
They may subtly try to avoid the topic of cheating, sway the evidence aside and bring up other topics.
6. They Get Angry:
When a cheater is confronted about cheating, they may get angry and start raising their voice, try to cause some domestic violence or resort to silent treatment. Below we would discuss in detail why a cheater would get angry when confronted about cheating.
7. They Make Excuses:
They may make excuses for cheating like they were drunk, something came over them, or give any other excuse that could be strong enough to take the blame for cheating on them.
8. They Play The Victim Card:
They may blame you for the reason that made them cheat and then play the victim. This includes saying things like: you were so distant, you were ignoring me, you didn’t love me anymore, etc.
9. They Accuse You Of Cheating And Tag Theirs As Revenge:
When confronted about cheating, they may accuse you of cheating and claim that you wanted an open relationship/ marriage.
How To Confront A Cheater
Confronting a cheater involves asking a cheating partner about infidelity and if not done properly could lead to the end of the relationship. Below we would discuss major things you need to do before the confrontation, during the confrontation, and after the confrontation.
Tips To Note Before Confronting Your Cheating Partner:
1. Make sure you have direct evidence:
Direct evidence is the opposite of hearsay evidence. And hearsay evidence is a piece of evidence made by a person other than the witness to the facts. Examples of hearsay are what your friends told you they saw, gossip, rumors, etc. Direct evidence includes letters, recorded phone calls from your partner, videos, text messages, etc. Ensure it’s cogent so your partner doesn’t have reasons to deny it.
2. Know what you want:
You’ve got to have a clear goal for the confrontation, this will determine how you would proceed. If you want to maintain the relationship thereafter or break up, you’ve got to define what you want out of the confrontation.
3. Prepare yourself for a dramatic reaction:
You want to confront your partner for cheating on you and it’s okay to have cool expectations, however, prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario. It could turn out to be what you did not expect. In any which way, be ready for whatever reaction your partner may give.
4. Use writing as a tool to assemble your thoughts:
After getting acquainted with the fact that your partner is cheating you may have a lot going through your mind, so it’s appropriate for you to write down your thought. Write down your intended actions, words, questions, and the result you want to get with them. Actions taken in anger could be out of measure, you must weigh them before you kick off.
5. Choose the right time and place:
Choose a place that would be safe just in case your partner resorts to physical abuse. An outdoor environment and hours that aren’t odd are recommended. Also, choose a place that would ensure confidentiality because what you are about to discuss is very delicate.
6. Plan What You Would Say:
Just as we discussed earlier, take hold of your emotions and your words. What you say can ruin or mend the relationship and your partner.
During The Confrontation: Tips To Note While Confronting Your Cheating Partner
1. Be calm:
Be in your calmest mood, and don’t let anything make you want to raise your voice. During the confrontation, at different intervals take a deep breath.
2. Be expressive regarding your feelings:
Talk about the incident and how it has made you feel. For instance, ‘Considering what has happened I have felt so sad’, ‘I noticed you have been seeing someone else and it does feel so good’, etc. Instead of saying “You cheated on me,” say “I feel hurt by what I discovered.”
3. Present the evidence after denial:
Don’t present the evidence first, ask questions to see their response and reaction. After they have denied ever cheating on you, present the evidence you have. This is a way of getting them to admit to what they did, or provide a better explanation that helps solve the issue.
4. Ask open questions to decipher their intentions:
Ask to know why they cheated, if they still want the relationship/ marriage, if they are in love with their partner, if they are planning the future together, if what was missing in your marriage was offered, etc.
5. Don’t ask for details:
Don’t ask them details of the incident, for instance, how many times, etc, because it would affect you more and affect the relationship even more negatively.
6. Don’t condemn your partner:
Don’t make them feel bad with loads of criticism. Try as much as possible to tackle the attitude and save the person.
7. Don’t accept the blame:
Your partner may try to put the blame on you or try to compare you with their new partner, don’t accept the blame for whatsoever reasons. The fact your partner chooses to cheat is never your fault, even if all your lines were checked we would still have done what they did.
8. Listen to their response:
Give your partner some time to give their response, and listen. Listen to their motives and intentions, and if they are willing to change their ways.
9. Decide what you would do next:
After the confrontation, with what you have heard, decide if the relationship is worth giving a second chance, or if you would visit a marriage counselor with your partner.
What To Do After Confronting A Cheating Partner: What Should I Do After Confronting My Cheating Partner?
1. Set Healthy Boundaries
2. Practice forgiveness
3. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with things that will make you happy.
4. Take time to heal
5. Focus on the future
6. Write down plans on how to rebuild trust and the relationship/ marriage.
7. Communicate your needs to your partner.
8. Move on if your partner has decided not to change.
How To Move On After Breaking Up With A Cheater
1. Seek Closure
2. Let go of any resentment
3. Seek professional help
4. Practice self-compassion
5. Take responsibility for your healing
6. Be open to new possibilities
7. Set realistic expectations
8. Celebrate your progress
Questions To Ask When Confronting A Cheating Partner
These would help you decipher the intentions of your partner. They are as follows:
A. Could you tell me why you cheated on me?
B. How do you feel seeing that I am angry/sad/bittered/mad?
C. Do you want the marriage to continue?
D. What did you tell him about us?
E. Did you talk about the future together?
F. Did he offer what was missing in our marriage?
G. What did he offer you that is missing in our marriage?
F. Do you want to leave me to be with this person?
H. Do you have any justification for cheating on me?
I. Is it my fault that you cheated?
J. How can I make you feel better with me?
K. Do you want me to forgive you?
How To Confront A Cheater Over The Phone/ Text
In trying to confront a cheater over the phone or text, you’ve got to be direct and specific. It might be a bit complex and need a swift process, below are some steps to help:
1. Be direct:
When confronting a cheater over text, you need to be direct with your communication. Communication over the phone may not give you the chance to be indirect with your facts and what you really want to say.
2. Use “I” statements:
When expressing how you feel about the incident use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You cheated on me,” say “I feel hurt by what I discovered.”
3. Avoid attacking/blaming them:
While it may be tempting to attack or blame your partner for cheating on you, it may be unlikely to lead to a productive conversation. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings, and try to avoid using criticism on your partner.
4. Be respectful:
While it’s understandable to feel betrayed, it’s important to remain respectful when confronting your partner about cheating. Avoid using abusive language, and instead, try to communicate calmly and respectfully.
5. Consider a face-to-face conversation:
While texting can be a convenient way to confront your partner about cheating, you need to also consider a face-to-face conversation. A conversation in person would help resolve the issue with more understanding.
How To Confront A Cheater Without Proof
In as much as we would give tips on how to confront a cheater without proof, it is advisable to confront when you have proofs. It’s recommended you confront without proof when your suspicion is high and it’s affecting your relationship with your partner. Below are tips to help:
1. Focus on your feelings:
When confronting a cheater without proof, it’s important to focus on your feelings and concerns.
2. Express your concerns:
Without accusing your partner, express your concerns about their behavior or actions which look suspicious that they are cheating.
3. Ask open-ended questions:
Without making assumptions about them cheating, ask your partner open-ended questions about their actions that you’ve found suspicious. Consequently, you would get a better understanding of what is going on without giving them a need to defend themselves.
4. Be respectful:
Regardless of what you suspect, it’s important to remain respectful when confronting a cheater. Avoid using accusatory language to attack them, and instead, approach the conversation with a respectful demeanor to resolve the issue.
5. Consider seeking professional help:
If you’re struggling to confront a cheater without proof, consider seeking outside help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your concerns and develop strategies for addressing the situation.
How To Confront A Narcissistic Cheater?
Confronting a narcissistic cheater can be a challenging situation, as they may be more likely to deflect blame, or even become hostile. Here are some tips to help you confront a narcissistic cheater:
1. Be Prepared:
Before confronting a narcissistic cheater, it’s important to be prepared for the possibility that they may not take responsibility for their actions. Set realistic expectations for the conversation and be prepared for the worst-case scenario.
2. Stick To The Facts:
When confronting a narcissistic cheater, it’s important to stick to the facts and avoid getting emotional. Use concrete examples of their behavior or actions that have caused you concern or made you believe they are cheating.
3. Don’t Engage In Their Drama:
Narcissists can be highly skilled at deflecting blame and manipulating others. Don’t engage in their drama or get drawn into arguments, as it is unlikely to lead to a productive conversation.
4. Use “I” Statements:
When expressing your feelings and concerns, use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. This can help avoid putting the narcissistic cheater on the defensive and may make it easier for them to hear what you have to say.
5. Consider Seeking Professional Help:
If you’re struggling to confront a narcissistic cheater, consider seeking outside help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through resolving the issue.
6. Set boundaries:
If you decide to stay in the relationship, it’s important to set clear boundaries with the narcissistic cheater. This may involve setting limits on their behavior, seeking couples therapy, or considering a trial separation.
RELATED:
14 Easy Ways To Help Your Partner Be a Better Person
Why Do Cheaters Get Angry When Confronted?
Cheaters may get angry when confronted for several reasons, including:
1. Feeling threatened:
Cheaters may feel threatened when they are confronted because they fear that their actions will be exposed or that they will lose control of the situation.
2. Defensive response:
When confronted, cheaters may feel the need to defend themselves and their actions, which can lead to anger and defensiveness.
3. Guilt or shame:
Cheaters may feel guilty or ashamed of their actions, which can cause them to become defensive and lash out in anger.
4. Fear of consequences:
Cheaters may be afraid of the consequences of their actions, such as losing their partner or facing social consequences, which can lead to anger or defensiveness.
5. Narcissism:
Narcissistic cheaters may have a sense of entitlement and believe that they are above reproach, which can lead to anger and defensiveness when confronted.
6. Accusation:
They may get angry because they believe you are acting based on assumption and accusing them falsely to hurt them or bring bad repute to their name.
It’s important to note that while some cheaters may get angry when confronted, this is not always the case. Some cheaters may feel remorseful and seek to make amends for their actions, while others may deny wrongdoing altogether. It’s important to approach the situation with care and consideration and to prioritize your well-being and safety.
How do innocent persons react when accused of cheating?
When an innocent person is accused of cheating, they may give either of the following reaction:
#1. Shock And Disbelief:
Innocent persons who are accused of cheating may react in a variety of ways depending on their personality and circumstances. Some common reactions may include:
Innocent persons may be taken aback by the accusation and may initially feel disbelief or shock that they are being accused of cheating.
2. Hurt and anger:
Innocent persons may feel hurt and angry that they are being accused of something they didn’t do, particularly if the accusation comes from someone they care about.
3. Defensiveness:
Innocent persons may feel the need to defend themselves against the accusation, particularly if they feel like their reputation is at stake.
4. Confusion:
Innocent persons may feel confused about why they are being accused of cheating and may struggle to understand the motives behind the accusation.
5. Determination To Prove Their Innocence:
Innocent persons may be determined to prove their innocence and may take steps to provide evidence or clear their name.
It’s important to approach accusations of cheating with care and consideration, particularly if the person is innocent. It’s important to gather enough evidence and information before making accusations and confront them calmly and rationally.
Do cheaters get defensive?
Yes, cheaters may get defensive when confronted about their actions. When faced with accusations of cheating, some cheaters may want to defend themselves and their actions, which can lead to defensiveness. They may try to deny the accusations and shift the blame onto their partner or others, or they may become hostile in response to the accusations.
Defensiveness can be a natural reaction for anyone who feels accused of what he/she didn’t do or feels threatened, and it is important to approach accusations of cheating with care and consideration. However, you need to note that defensiveness is not necessarily a sign of guilt or wrongdoing. Innocent persons may also become defensive if they feel like their reputation is being questioned, and it’s important to gather cogent and direct evidence and information before making accusations.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
60+ Trust Pick-up Lines to Improve Your Relationship
How to Stop your Wife From Cheating (21 Sure Tips)
“My Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me”, 30 Proven Steps That Will Make Him Trust You
She is a romance writer, blogger and love expert. She believes the world would be a better place if divorce rate is reduced to the barest minimum and homes are of happier marriages. She enjoys reading, writing and helping people live a more fulfilled life. And one of her favorite quotes is, ”What is love if it isn’t for the bad times too?”.
